Controlling the Mind

So, I figured when I started on the Zen path, is that I needed to control my mind. If I got sufficient control over it, it will be in peaceful state all the time. I will have bliss and nirvana, and I have achieved my target. Well, seems like reality is way different! So, the mind is a phenomena, just like anything else, with its inherent nature. If you put water on heat, it will boil because of its inherent nature, same way as wood will burn if exposed to heat and oxygen. The mind will be happy when it gets something that it wants and will be sad when it gets something that it does not. There is no way around it, that is how it is programmed. So, then you would say that the answer is to get rid of the root cause - the want. Let me tell you friends - that is not easy or even entirely possible, for most of us who live in mundane world. I cannot get rid of my desire to see my family happy. If they are going through pain, it pains me and I want the suffering to end. A lot of times, when issues are related to having a job or sickness, it is not even a want, it is a need. How can I say it does not matter whether the situation gets rectified or not?

So, back to the question - I don't think it is expected to change nature of mind so much through meditation, but to understand its nature, see how it works and ACCEPT it. Resistance is what causes pain. If I can accept that my mind is sad because of conditions and there is no way to alter its state, but to accept the sadness of moment, it lessens the blow. As long as we are trying actively to change the situation (applying for jobs, getting medical care etc), we are doing what we need to do. Everything changes, and this situation will also change.

Ah! The Great Expectation!

Here I am, with a perfect opportunity to practice. Mind you it is difficult to do so, at least for me. Lot more easy to chant - "form is emptiness and emptiness is form", much more difficult to do (we are reading Heart Sutra for a class at my Zen Center). I am putting effort in something, something that is necessary for sustenance of this form (body and mind). I am impatient, I want quick results and I want it to get over soon. It might take some effort and I don't want to spend a lot of effort. Do you see all the "wants" I have just listed?

I am thankful that mindfulness is allowing me to see this process. If it was before I embarked on path, the sheer stress and pa nick would have consumed my being. I still have those two companions but, I am able to let go of effort as "just effort", a part of my "suchness", nothing more to it. Actually, at times, I am able to enjoy the effort (nice!). I am able to look at stress and tell myself that it is empty of self existence, I need not let that poison spread in my body and mind and when I look into source of stress, it is my lack of confidence in the ability of life. Zen has enabled me to see the beauty of life, how perfect it is and how much I fail to notice it. It has enabled me to see that I don't live life with all my planning and procuring and calculating risk, but rather it lives me, supports me and enables me. I am not able to see this all the time but, I am thankful for times when I can. I have confidence in the myriad dharmas...:). My teacher said yesterday - be curious, see what life offers. In order to be curious, I have to leave my plans aside and give life room to show me what I cannot imagine and plan for...:).

It is 5:30 AM EST now, perfect time to sit. The cushion awaits me.

Greed and tendency to hoard

I have been fascinated with greed lately, to a great extent - with my own greed. The mind easily and happily forgets all that it has and tends to zero in on one thing that it doesn't have and wants desparately (not need, but want). Ah..and once it has that, it just as easily becomes bored with it or takes it for granted and the whole cycle starts again. So, why are we so greedy? Why is there never enough for us?

I have been observing the bird feeder in my backyard. If I fill it up with three cups of birdseed, it takes 3-4 days for it to become empty. The birds don't seem to be greedy and want to hoard all they can while the feeder is out there. While these thoughts have been bubbling in my head, I read somewhere else that animals who hunt for food, only kill and eat what they need. I know there are birds and animals who store food for winter but it seems like they only store what they need. It is only the human race that does not understand the meaning of taking what is needed. It always wants more and more and more.

Why is this? To some extent, we gather because we are afraid that if we don't do so, we will run out of stuff and die. We have no confidence in laws of Universe and its ability to sustain itself, which inlcudes us. Other times, we hoard just because we want to be better than our fellow humans and want to show off our status. Our wants take us to battle fields, lead us to wrong doing, create mental agonies and still is never over. Our needs are always fulfilled, under all circumstances. Even if we think it is not being fulfilled, it indeed is or else we would not be here today as a race. How about if we try to take what we need and leave the rest for others? Next time, we want something, how about if we ask ourselves a simple why before taking any action?