Friday, December 25, 2009

Wow!!! Did this really happen to me?

I caught myself doing this one day and I have to say that I was mighty pleased - I was letting go of something. It was just some issue at work, I was thinking and thinking as to how to resolve it, I had tried pretty much everything and it was a delicate situation, so any kind of explicit reaction was not called for. While driving home from work, I must have spent good 20 minutes worrying, fretting, getting frustrated etc etc and finally the thought came up that I need to let go. I had tried everything that I could and now, there was nothing more to do. I need to let life flow through me and not me forcing life in a certain direction. Now, this might be natural to some of you, but for ME, it was a HUGE step!!!!! Letting go and entrusting the matter to a greater wisdom than my own is difficult for me. I am the kind of person who plans and prioritizes and gets very upset when things are not going as per the plan. So, for me, just the fact that idea of letting go came up was huge. Now, this is what I call real value of Zen. Again, I know where I am - I might be able to let go of something small, but might not be able to do so for something of bigger scope but I am happy with baby steps for now.

I wanted to write during Rohatsu but did not get time, I changed jobs recently and it has been hectic. However, this was the theme that came up for me again and again during Rohatsu week sittings - let life live through me and try to let go, acceptance rather than rejection. I don't know how long will this stick to me, but for now, I am full of gratitude. I hope this sticks to me for the rest of my life. Thanks to Buddha, Dharma and Sangha.