A few things happened this past week which forced me to have a closer look at my "self". The one that was afraid that something might change, the one that was clinging to what is known and comfortable and the one that was hell bent upon insisting on its own definition of itself. Wow!! What a reality check it was! So, this topic has been in my mind for a few days now. You know how you feel like you understand something, you feel like you are walking the walk and boom!! - something happens which makes you realize how much more you need to practice!
So, why do we cling to ideas, things and people? Why cannot we flow with life and let the Universe do its thing? Why is it so important that things go our way only? The "self" believes it is endowed with certain qualities, has certain characteristics and believe it or not - it does believe that it is the creator of these attributes. We tend to think - "I am beautiful, I am intelligent, I am hardworking, I am etc etc. I know what is best for me and I want such and such to happen because that is in my best interest. I am in charge and I am in control of my own life. There is nothing impossible". We surround ourselves with everything that helps us in this definition of myself and my identity, we cling to these because they help us support this definition. They justify our existence, make us feel important, valuable, different from others etc etc.
If we look deeply, the attributes that we exhibit are a result of coming together of so many causes and conditions, where is the self that could control any of it? We get angry when something hurtful happens to us and become happy when something pleasant happens. Can we not see how mechanical this response is? If there is a true self that is in control, it would be able to manipulate responses. We behave as per our conditions and as per natural laws, our nature being one of them -- our patience or lack there of, laziness or lack there of, sharpness or lack there of. Where is the self to be found which has been insisting on its existence all along and yet, it is as inseparable as the shadow. This whole process just amazes me, absolutely stunning!!!