Must practice!!!

Long time, no post! Lots of things were happening and did not have a chance to come to blog site. Actually, did not sit on the cushion much either and saw a clear affect on mental state because of that. Well, at least that made it clear that sitting is important, very important, even if just for 10 minutes a day! I guess I needed to learn that. That is all I want to say today that I have come to know that continuity is important and if I think I can do it every now and then, it doesn't cut it! I had started to lose my fundamentals, mind was getting delusioned more and more and as a result stress just spirals upwards. It was a great learning experience to see how mind plays games if I slack in my practice. With deep bows to Universe.

Just sitting - how tough can it be?

When I started sitting initially, this was my thought - what can be the big deal about sitting? How tough can it be to sit silent for 25 or 30 minutes? Boy oh boy - was I in for a surprise! It was impossible!!! To sit quietly for 30 minutes and to be just with myself - no TV, no Internet, no magazine, felt like sheer torture. And for what? In search of some answers that might have no significance at all in the end? There are several places in the pali cannon as well as Zen writings where hindrances to sitting are described. I wanted to put down here my practical experience and different kinds of my personal hindrances in the stages they came in, along with antidotes I use..:-) May be you can share some of your personal hindrances and antidotes..:-)


1. The very first one that I faced was the urge to just get up and do something that had a tangible outcome and would lead to instant gratification like finishing up the email from work or cooking dinner or running an errand. At times, it used to feel like sitting is just not going to result in anything tangible, so why am I wasting time? I figured 30 minutes is too much, lets start with 15 minutes.

2. Number 1 started disappearing once mind started to settle down. It started becoming interesting to watch the mind and there came number 2 - completely getting lost in thoughts. Somedays it felt like meditation got over in the blink of the eye because I was day dreaming the whole time (I have to admit it is sheer fun to do that though..:-)). I don't think I can ever get over this one completely..some days I am more aware of awareness, some days less. My antidote to this is that I have limited time in a day after work and family and I better try to use it wisely.

3. Laziness - some days I am just lazy to sit because sitting is hard work. I have to be with my self, watch my mind and cannot immerse myself in distractions of movie or an article. It is lot more easier to be distracted, than to focus and watch my mind. Some days I just honor my state of mind and skip sitting..other days I sit for shorter durations. On the other hand, the reverse also happens at times - there is a surge of energy some days and I sit for longer durations.

4. Inconsistency - I realized when I try to practice just by myself, I can be quite inconsistent with both sitting and reading, and even start forgetting basics like mindfulness and awareness. For me, it is inspiring to meet with like minded people who are exploring the way and encourages me in my own practice. Without support of sangha, it was easier to put practice on the back burner and drift away in the humdrum of daily life. I am very thankful for the Zendo and Sangha I am associated with. Going there periodically energizes me. Having direction from a very kind teacher is another blessing I am thankful for. Fortunately, there is also live 24/7 library for dhamma readings in form of Internet which is extremely helpful.

What is Zen?

So, what is really Zen practice? When I did not know much about Zen and started my practice, it did appear something incomprehensible and mysterious to me but over time my understanding of Zen is that is simply awareness. Be aware of what you are doing and why you are doing it. It sounds very simple and we tend to think that we are already doing it. We think that before we undertake any action, we know the what and why behind it. But do we really know? How many things we do because of peer pressure or because of habit or because of social conditioning or simply because of convenience? And how many times do we realize that everything that we do has an effect and it matters, howsoever trivial it might look. Every breath that we take results in CO2 that feeds the plants.

So, what does awareness do? How does it affect the bottom line? Let me tell you, it is one of the most difficult tasks to observe oneself...:) It is lot more easier to watch TV or listen to music than to just sit silently with only oneself for company. My experience is awareness is the key that unlocks the door to contentment and peace. Mind you, I am not saying the door to happiness. Happiness is whole another post. Awareness allows one to judge consequences of one's actions prior to performing it and observe how mind interprets pleasure and pain and attaches itself to these. It allows one to see real nature of phenomena and its life. This in turn leads to more and more wholesome action and less clinging to things that are impermanent - they may give short term please but they will disappear eventually.