Tuesday, January 5, 2010
How important am I?
So, I have recently changed jobs and at the new place, I am still in training phase, learning the ropes, figuring things out etc etc. I have been given some deliverables but nothing too big. At my previous job, I had lot of responsibility, accountability for various things, reporting status, raising flags, what not. I have been feeling uneasy and uncomfortable but not able to put my finger on it. At first I thought it is because of new environment and the fact that I need to learn a whole lot of things etc, but that was not it. It came up one day (don't remember if it was during sitting) - I am feeling uneasy because I am not important enough at my new place yet!!! There it was - my ego swelled up and high, a little hurt for having realized this and kind of lost. Every time, I think I understand my mind, I come across something like this and I am totally taken aback. I guess the good part is that this stayed at the level of thought, got acknowledgement and I moved on. May be if I was not used to slowing down my mind every so often, this would have bothered me more..who knows..it is a perspective after all..none the less, it is interesting to see how ego tries to reinforce itself every chance it gets..:)
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Once I read that the sufis have different kind of living, ranging from a wealthy vendor to cleaning service officer. Yet, to them, they are all equal, since they all share the same quality; that whatever they do, they do it the way Mozart plays music or the way Picasso paints--they do it wholeheartedly.
ReplyDeleteOnce I had the same question with you about my current career. It's not that I got past this issue; but remembering the sufi story has helped me a lot--knowing that it's not what we do that truly matters, it's how we do it :)
Hope it helps you too :)
Thanks for that story, Rizal..:) I did a lot of thinking before changing jobs, for the first time in my life, I did not want my next job to be something that I take up because of rat race or peer pressure or desire to be known as successful. For me, I figured that most important thing was to have a job where I use my talent set and contribute. For some people, this is they way they always thought about their jobs and is nothing unusual, but for me it was. Just asking the question that what it is that I really enjoy doing was a transformation for me. Bows.
ReplyDeleteNice post. Brings me to think "love your ego, its the only thing you've got."
ReplyDeleteIf ego disappears so does "you", nes pa?