I don't understand...

why Haiti happens? Why there is inequality in world? Why some have so much that they are throwing it away and others don't have enough to eat? I have tried to reason this 100 different ways and nothing makes sense. If this is the suchness of Universe, it is a very bitter pill to swallow. There are times when this Universe looks so perfect, it won't function if it was not perfect to this degree and then there are these times.

Everything is a perception, be careful not to call it reality!

We can only perceive based on what input we get from our sense organs (including brain). We process the inputs, create a perception based on it and act upon it. Somewhere along this process, we get strongly attached to this perception and consider it a reality. It is real, but only in the context of our perception. We are co-creators of this reality and it does not exist without us. A simple example is birds don't feel as cold as humans because their body temperature is higher. What is cold to us is not cold to them. Same thing for mental formations. My mental formation might be different from your based upon how we relate to a particular situation. The thing that causes me a lot of agony might not bother you and vice-versa. The point is that if we can keep in mind that what we think as reality is only one facet of reality, based upon our conditions, we might be able to let go easily and not get stuck on things. We also can become more tolerant of other people's views, their conditions and their reactions.

How important am I?

So, I have recently changed jobs and at the new place, I am still in training phase, learning the ropes, figuring things out etc etc. I have been given some deliverables but nothing too big. At my previous job, I had lot of responsibility, accountability for various things, reporting status, raising flags, what not. I have been feeling uneasy and uncomfortable but not able to put my finger on it. At first I thought it is because of new environment and the fact that I need to learn a whole lot of things etc, but that was not it. It came up one day (don't remember if it was during sitting) - I am feeling uneasy because I am not important enough at my new place yet!!! There it was - my ego swelled up and high, a little hurt for having realized this and kind of lost. Every time, I think I understand my mind, I come across something like this and I am totally taken aback. I guess the good part is that this stayed at the level of thought, got acknowledgement and I moved on. May be if I was not used to slowing down my mind every so often, this would have bothered me more..who knows..it is a perspective after all..none the less, it is interesting to see how ego tries to reinforce itself every chance it gets..:)

Wow!!! Did this really happen to me?

I caught myself doing this one day and I have to say that I was mighty pleased - I was letting go of something. It was just some issue at work, I was thinking and thinking as to how to resolve it, I had tried pretty much everything and it was a delicate situation, so any kind of explicit reaction was not called for. While driving home from work, I must have spent good 20 minutes worrying, fretting, getting frustrated etc etc and finally the thought came up that I need to let go. I had tried everything that I could and now, there was nothing more to do. I need to let life flow through me and not me forcing life in a certain direction. Now, this might be natural to some of you, but for ME, it was a HUGE step!!!!! Letting go and entrusting the matter to a greater wisdom than my own is difficult for me. I am the kind of person who plans and prioritizes and gets very upset when things are not going as per the plan. So, for me, just the fact that idea of letting go came up was huge. Now, this is what I call real value of Zen. Again, I know where I am - I might be able to let go of something small, but might not be able to do so for something of bigger scope but I am happy with baby steps for now.

I wanted to write during Rohatsu but did not get time, I changed jobs recently and it has been hectic. However, this was the theme that came up for me again and again during Rohatsu week sittings - let life live through me and try to let go, acceptance rather than rejection. I don't know how long will this stick to me, but for now, I am full of gratitude. I hope this sticks to me for the rest of my life. Thanks to Buddha, Dharma and Sangha.