Experiences of a Zen student who tried various techniques of meditation before setteling on Zazen. The intention is to describe Zen concepts in simple language that can be understood by anyone.
Showing posts with label importance of self. Show all posts
Showing posts with label importance of self. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
How important am I?
So, I have recently changed jobs and at the new place, I am still in training phase, learning the ropes, figuring things out etc etc. I have been given some deliverables but nothing too big. At my previous job, I had lot of responsibility, accountability for various things, reporting status, raising flags, what not. I have been feeling uneasy and uncomfortable but not able to put my finger on it. At first I thought it is because of new environment and the fact that I need to learn a whole lot of things etc, but that was not it. It came up one day (don't remember if it was during sitting) - I am feeling uneasy because I am not important enough at my new place yet!!! There it was - my ego swelled up and high, a little hurt for having realized this and kind of lost. Every time, I think I understand my mind, I come across something like this and I am totally taken aback. I guess the good part is that this stayed at the level of thought, got acknowledgement and I moved on. May be if I was not used to slowing down my mind every so often, this would have bothered me more..who knows..it is a perspective after all..none the less, it is interesting to see how ego tries to reinforce itself every chance it gets..:)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)