Must practice!!!

Long time, no post! Lots of things were happening and did not have a chance to come to blog site. Actually, did not sit on the cushion much either and saw a clear affect on mental state because of that. Well, at least that made it clear that sitting is important, very important, even if just for 10 minutes a day! I guess I needed to learn that. That is all I want to say today that I have come to know that continuity is important and if I think I can do it every now and then, it doesn't cut it! I had started to lose my fundamentals, mind was getting delusioned more and more and as a result stress just spirals upwards. It was a great learning experience to see how mind plays games if I slack in my practice. With deep bows to Universe.

Suchness of Universe

Writing after a long time, for one or the other reason, got busy every weekend. Feels good to come back to writing..:). The thought that has been occupying my mind is suchness. For quite some time, I was not sure what suchness is and what is the big deal about it. In my understanding, concept of emptiness directly leads into suchness. Nothing is made of itself and by itself, instead everything is a result of coming together of non-self elements. For example, table is made of all "non-table" elements - wood, screws, glass etc. Humans are made on all non-human elements - skin, hair, nails, flesh, blood etc. None of these things makes a human by itself, only coming together of everything creates one.

As a result,things have a certain nature based on what it is made of - water flows, rose is red, rock is hard, wind blows etc etc and this is there suchness. And there is beauty and harmony because of this suchness. All elements are needed and everything is equally important. A river cannot come into existence without drops of water and a mountain cannot exist without pebbles. Nothing is less or more important, everything has its place and is needed. There is natural transformation of one form of energy to another like clouds turning into rain, but while things have a form they "enjoy" it and not try to become something else. But with us humans, there is constant craving to become something other than what we are. We have forgotten how to enjoy what we are at the moment. We might have been wanting something for a long time, we get it and rather than enjoying it, we move on to next craving. A rose is not trying to become jasmine and jasmine is not trying to become marigold - they enjoy being themselves and gracefully go through cycle of birth and death. Why cannot we do that? When we are water, we want to become fire, when we are fire, we want to become wind and that is what keeps us tied.

Just sitting - how tough can it be?

When I started sitting initially, this was my thought - what can be the big deal about sitting? How tough can it be to sit silent for 25 or 30 minutes? Boy oh boy - was I in for a surprise! It was impossible!!! To sit quietly for 30 minutes and to be just with myself - no TV, no Internet, no magazine, felt like sheer torture. And for what? In search of some answers that might have no significance at all in the end? There are several places in the pali cannon as well as Zen writings where hindrances to sitting are described. I wanted to put down here my practical experience and different kinds of my personal hindrances in the stages they came in, along with antidotes I use..:-) May be you can share some of your personal hindrances and antidotes..:-)


1. The very first one that I faced was the urge to just get up and do something that had a tangible outcome and would lead to instant gratification like finishing up the email from work or cooking dinner or running an errand. At times, it used to feel like sitting is just not going to result in anything tangible, so why am I wasting time? I figured 30 minutes is too much, lets start with 15 minutes.

2. Number 1 started disappearing once mind started to settle down. It started becoming interesting to watch the mind and there came number 2 - completely getting lost in thoughts. Somedays it felt like meditation got over in the blink of the eye because I was day dreaming the whole time (I have to admit it is sheer fun to do that though..:-)). I don't think I can ever get over this one completely..some days I am more aware of awareness, some days less. My antidote to this is that I have limited time in a day after work and family and I better try to use it wisely.

3. Laziness - some days I am just lazy to sit because sitting is hard work. I have to be with my self, watch my mind and cannot immerse myself in distractions of movie or an article. It is lot more easier to be distracted, than to focus and watch my mind. Some days I just honor my state of mind and skip sitting..other days I sit for shorter durations. On the other hand, the reverse also happens at times - there is a surge of energy some days and I sit for longer durations.

4. Inconsistency - I realized when I try to practice just by myself, I can be quite inconsistent with both sitting and reading, and even start forgetting basics like mindfulness and awareness. For me, it is inspiring to meet with like minded people who are exploring the way and encourages me in my own practice. Without support of sangha, it was easier to put practice on the back burner and drift away in the humdrum of daily life. I am very thankful for the Zendo and Sangha I am associated with. Going there periodically energizes me. Having direction from a very kind teacher is another blessing I am thankful for. Fortunately, there is also live 24/7 library for dhamma readings in form of Internet which is extremely helpful.